i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
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