I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
