fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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