the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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