im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
You have to summon your inner elephant
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
