also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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