Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
