On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
