i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
