Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
