ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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