Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
