First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Help. Why am I so naked?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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