And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
