I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
