His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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