I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
