i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
