you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
what the fuck happened to the tacos
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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