There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
