So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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