There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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