i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
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