While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
