My girlfriend figured out who you are.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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