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he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
