lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
