Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
