I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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