peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
