I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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