just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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