your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
