i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
