New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
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