You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
