if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
