Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
