Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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