Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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