Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
