I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
