Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
These tits shall not be calmed
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
