So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
