my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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