Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
