AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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