I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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