I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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