One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
