Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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