My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
