I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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