so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
