Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
if i can run in heels then i can drive
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
