I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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