based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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