I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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