You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
