we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
