he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize