Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I stole a fireplace last night.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Randomize
