My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
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