I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Be still, my beating vagina.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
