I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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