I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
