; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
