At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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