good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
